Every day is a school day

I’ve been thinking about something I shared last week. About how we notice and yet how often we move too quickly to respond. That idea remains. Especially now.

Exam season is in full swing. As her English Literature, Math, RE and History kick off this week, there are notes across the table. Quotes from Macbeth and Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. Themes of conflict, identity, power, duality. Math revisions question sets. Dates and key events. And what I’m noticing isn’t just what she’s learning. It’s how she’s holding it.

There's a lot to process. The expectations, the pressure and the quiet awareness of what this moment is meant to represent. And alongside that, I see her sense of what matters.

She’s working hard. That’s clear. But she’s also navigating something less visible. How to care without being consumed. How to take this seriously without letting it define her. How to meet the world without losing herself in it.

I’m definitely not getting this right and yet I’m still trying. Some days I manage to hold the pressure lightly. Others, I step in too quickly. Some days I say too much and others not enough. Every day feels different. Every day is a school day.

I used to think parenting was about raising a child. Shaping, guiding and definitely getting it right. But watching her move through this, I’m no longer sure. Because this part, this becoming, is hers.

Maybe my role isn’t to raise her in the way I imagined. Maybe it is simply to raise her up. To stand beside her, to notice and to be present without taking over. Not to remove the weight but to trust her capacity to carry it. And boy is that hard!

There’s no handbook for this. But maybe there isn’t meant to be.

I'm accepting that she’s not just being shaped by me. She’s being shaped by everything around her. By ideas, by friendships, by the world she’s stepping into. And the beautiful realisation is that at the same time, she’s shaping how she meets that world.

I like to imagine that I’m not the only one in this season. If you have a child going through exams right now, you might recognise some of this too. The pressure, the pride, the uncertainty, the rare quiet moments in between.

So as exam season commences, I’m (trying) to hold this smorgasbord of emotions a little differently. To appreciate that this is about who she is becoming and what she’s learning to carry forward.

I’m still learning. From her.

PS. If listening feels easier than reading, this reflection sits in the latest episode of Where We Place Ourselves.